Grief-Losing my grandad

So this one maybe a bit of a hard read, But I think I feel I'm in the right place (hopefully) to talk about things now.

So I guess I should explain things alittle better,so 13years ago my wonderful grandad was diagnosed with an awful incurable disease called Parkinson's disease which effects sufferers in many different ways.

My grandad suffered many things but the most obvious sign of this illness was his shakes. Below is a perfect pic of my grandad in his teens when he went into the army before he met my nan.

Now I’m no medical professional so I won’t go on about all the ins and outs. My grandad worked all his life and this year would have been with my dear nan 60years this November. But back to the beginning of the year my grandad was in and out of respite and hospital. Thus began the beginning of what was to be his last few months. He was in a home for a total of 8weeks when he fell gravily ill with various viral infections which didn’t help with his parkinsons and he had developed dementia in his later years but not to the extent he forgot anyone. He thought the world of his family. He just used to reminse so to speak about being on the lorries and going many different places which is what he did for many years up until he was diagnosed. He even went back to work the week he was diagnosed such a wonderful hard working man.
Anyway he was admitted to hospital which seriously knocked him about, nil by mouth and drifting in an out of sleep. Most of this time was a blur but my family and myself rallied round spending as much time as possible at the hospital as we could,because we knew that it was very likely he wouldn’t be coming out again. But even expecting the inevitable was still extremely hard to comprend. I was about to lose one of the most important men in my life for the past 30odd years and I wasn’t ready….none of us were! My grandparents have played a crucial part in my life since I was born with all my medical issues they really helped my mum and dad. But more on that another time…..

Grandad was nil by mouth for those last few weeks due to losing his ability to swallow which is awful to see. But for a while he was still able to talk to us alittle before he slipped into a sleep state. I will never forget the very last words that wonderfully loving man said to me they will ring in my ears for years to come.

One afternoon I walked into his hospital room (I don’t remember who else was there) at the time lots of us were in and out on a daily basis as we didn’t know how long he had left and the ward were absolutley amazing with him and us. Well I opened the door and he looked at me and said ‘what are you doing here 😂’ to which I responded Thanks grandad I’ve come to see you. He then said ‘Ah well your a good girl for coming’ those words are both heart wrenchingly sad and beautiful at the same time. Writing them down now makes me think back to those last days. Although he fell into a sleep like state he still held on. His birthday arrived March 18th he turned 81 and that was no mean feet in its self…..

Mine and bens wedding day. My gorgeous grandparents

Georgie with my grandad she was 1 here.

These pics are 2 of my most favourites as I don’t have many of my grandad other than old ones. But the second was when the disease had taken hold more and grandad was more or less house bound. But I love this pic all the same! It was just fantastic for him to actually hold Georgie without assistance and long enough for me to get a pic.

Anyway back to it as I said he made his birthday and kept fighting but barely woke or spoke in the last few days. It got to March 24th I think it was and some of my family arrived from 3hours away. They went to see my grandad, I had planned to go and sit with my grandad for a few hours on the 25th whilst ben took the girls out for the afternoon because the hospital was just no place for them and they’d have got too upset. Megan understood more than Georgie that grandad was just not well and wouldn’t be coming home.

So I hadn’t slept properly in weeks for fear of expecting that awful phone call or visit and that night of the 24th was no different……I went to bed attempted to sleep. Only to be awoken around 1.30ish in the morning by bens phone ringing. My stepdad had called him because he knew how I was going to react. My dear grandad had gone,he’d slipped away in his sleep in the early hours of Saturday March 25th 2017. I headed to the hospital to be with my family and say my final goodbye to the most amazingly wonderful grandad 😢

My gorgeous mama with her dad when she married my dad

Loved a bbq did my grandad this is one from my 18th birthday party pre parkinsons diagnosis.

Just some more pics I have of my lovely grandad. It’s been 9months since we lost him. It still really hurts. He’s always with us in our hearts and we will all makesure our children never forget their amazing Great Grandad Norman. And I know as a family we will never forget him. He was such a lovely man and a wonderful husband,dad,grandad and great grandad.

Sorry if this post isn’t exactly positive but I felt the need to write it because I miss my grandad so so much. And Parkinson’s is such a vile disease and needs more and more awareness for it…..although it has been quite heavily publised in the media with the likes of Michael J Fox and Sir Billy Connelly etc who have all suffered for years. I hope one day they will find a way to cure or slow down the disease more. Saying goodbye to my grandad was one of the hardest things I have had to do to date.

I hope this doesn’t upset people too much. I have shed a few tears going through all this again.

I promise theres more posts full of positivity coming in the new year.

Thank you

Always remembered and always with us grandad xxx

Kayleigh x