Living With Anxiety And An Invisible Disability

I’ve always strived to be completely real with my readers and so I thought I would give some sort of update as I have really been struggling with the pandemic and lockdown etc, restrictions tightening again through the fear of a second wave, all meaning I have really found things difficult. From hospital appointments being cancelled to kids returning to school its really caused my anxiety to heighten.

For those who know me well, or those who have been here a while you will be aware I have a invisible disability that I rarely talk about, but I am in no way ashamed of! It’s something that I have had since I was born. I have always been different and its definitely not something I have consciously tried to hide, its something I have always been honest and upfront about. I will never be completely normal and I am ok with that, being perfectly imperfect is ok with me! Following on from that, I haven’t mentioned it on here or on my social media particularly, but since having the girls I have suffered with issues linked to my bladder and the after effects of pregnancy, to the point something needed done about it. So after having consult with my consultant over the phone earlier in the year I have been put on the list for a major medical procedure.

Cut a long story short, I now have a provisional date for my surgery in November, but that could change if pandemic restrictions tighten anymore. However I am just hoping things don’t change as I will not find out for definite if op is going ahead till 2 weeks before the surgery is due, which is a nightmare but I do understand it can’t be helped at the moment. I do have lots of things to sort before then, including, I need to get my hospital things sorted because even if things change I can still have stuff organised for when it does happen and be prepared. I have had calls recently with hospital over the surgery and what things I will need to implement in run up to surgery with how things are in the world right now. I am currently awaiting a date for an appointment to see my consultant and give my consent for the surgery as well as having my pre-op tests. Then starts the big build up and the restrictions that will be difficult for me personally, beginning with 2 weeks before the op I will need to strictly social distance and possibly wear my mask everywhere I go, not that I am not doing that anyway, I mean I even wear it on the school run to be safe, I will then need a test for COVID exactly 4 days before surgery and I will then need to shield for those 4 days, I know right….ARGH!!

It is going to be a long slog for me, from finding out if the op will be happening etc, to the thought of shielding, I won’t lie, it scares me, because I will have to be safe around my girls too which may mean wearing a mask at home or keeping 2 metres away which is going to be dam hard, especially with little ladies birthday being within the 2 weeks before my operation.

One of the hardest things this week has been having to explain to the girls what’s happening, with Megan being 8 she now understands a lot of what is going on, which is scary but we are always completely honest with our girls so they know the situation. We have sat them down and explained through it all and what will happen in the 2 weeks prior and the 2 weeks mummy is away, as well as discussing my recovery. I have now had to set up the spare room for me to live in for the 2weeks before my op now I have received a few more details from hospital. I must admit the thought of going in for surgery alone and being in London alone for 2 weeks due to the restrictions doesn’t help my anxiety but I know we’ll all get through it and I will have my trusty laptop, phone and some books to keep me occupied and hopefully when I am up to it I will be able to do some updates on how I am doing. Do let me know if that’s something you would all be interested in?


In the next few weeks I am hoping I can be brave enough to dust off my ring light to film some YouTube videos as I really want to push through my anxieties about being in front of the camera and talking on the camera. I have been battling with the idea of vlogging my run up to surgery and after surgery recovery. I will not be doing this for any sort of sympathy though as the choice to have surgery was mine, I want to do it for myself and my future as well as to raise awareness of the procedure and to help some in the support groups that I am part of for those awaiting surgery and what to expect. This will obviously all depend on how I am after surgery and whilst I am in hospital how confident I feel to bare my soul so to speak.

For now until I know what’s going on with surgery I know my anxiety levels will be at an all time high, I worry how things will progress as many places have been put into local lockdowns due to spikes in the virus which frightens me because if we go into local lockdown or London does, even both, it could put a longer wait on my surgery which I really want to get done and out the way as I have built myself up over the last few months and so I can begin to recover and be ready to take a good run at 2021, what ever the new year may bring….because lets be honest 2020 has been a complete mess, and like most I will be happy when its over. Let’s just hope things improve going into 2021 even if the current social distancing and mask wearing rules, plus the rule of 6 still apply for the next 6 months, till April 2021. Maybe the latter part of next year will be better and lots of things that have been cancelled during this year will then happen.

How are you all coping? I know many have suffered through this year and I know I am not the only one in the world that its not been easy for. I know there are many people struggling with things in one way or another. My question to you guys is, what are your thoughts on me documenting my surgery/recovery journey? Especially with it happening in these uncertain times, would it be something that will interest you to read or watch if I film anything? Knowing what to expect if you guys yourselves are awaiting any hospital procedures of any kind during these times.

Just know what ever happens I will always be me and be real with you all. I am Perfectly Imperfect and that’s ok. I am Kayleigh, the wife, the mother, the daughter, the sister, the friend, the business woman, but more than that I am Me.

Be at ease with yourself and then your life will fall into place, I have been a wife for 11.5 years nearly and I am in the happiest position I have ever been, and new things will be happening for us in 2021 as a family and we can’t wait.

In the coming weeks I am hoping to get into some sort of flow with my blog, social media outlets to bank some stuff so when I go into have my surgery I will have things ready to go that I will just have to publish without worry whilst I am recovering.


Thank you for all your continued support and reading.

Kayleigh x